How to Build Confidence : A Step-By-Step Guide

Confidence isn’t built overnight - it’s a journey of small steps, self-belief, and embracing the messy process. Here’s a real-world guide to building confidence that actually works.

Building confidence feels easier when it feels like a chat with a friend over coffee

Confidence is one of those things everyone talks about, but no-one tells you how to get it. You hear phrases like, "Just be yourself" or, "Fake it till you make it," but let’s be real - these aren’t exactly helpful when you’re feeling unsure or stuck in self-doubt.

The truth? Building confidence is more like baking bread than flipping a light switch. It takes time, a few missteps, and a lot of patience. But the best part? Anyone can do it. Yes, even you.

So, let’s break this down into steps. No clichés, no unattainable advice. Just real, actionable ideas you can try today.

Step 1: Redefine Confidence (It’s Not What You Think)

First, let’s clear something up. Confidence isn’t about being fearless or perfect. It’s about trusting yourself. You don’t need to know all the answers or have everything figured out. You just need to believe that you’ll be able to handle whatever comes your way.

Think of Serena Williams, who once said, "I really think a champion is defined not by their wins but by how they can recover when they fall." Confidence isn’t about winning every time; it’s about bouncing back when you don’t.

Practical Tip: Start noticing and recording in your journal, moments when you show resilience - whether it’s fixing a mistake at work or trying again after a tough day. These are proof points that you’re stronger than you think.

Step 2: Take Tiny, Manageable Steps

Ever feel paralysed by a big challenge? I know I have. It’s because your brain is wired to freak out at the idea of too much, too soon. Confidence-building is no different.

Start small. Want to speak up more at work? Don’t aim to lead the next big meeting right away. Instead, contribute a single thought or idea in a smaller setting.

Practical Ideas:

• Practice saying "thank you" when someone compliments you (no deflecting).

• Try one thing you’ve been avoiding - like sending that email or signing up for a class.

• Write down one "win" at the end of each day, no matter how small.

  
  

Confidence is built one small win at a time - brick by brick

Step 3: Quiet the Inner Critic

Let’s talk about that little voice in your head. You know the one, "You’re not good enough." "Why bother trying?" It’s like having an annoying backseat driver in your brain.

Here’s the thing: that voice? It’s not telling the truth. It’s just fear, dressed up as logic.

What Helps:

• Name it. Literally give your inner critic a name. (Mine’s "Debbie Downer.") It makes it easier to recognise and separate it from your actual thoughts.

• Challenge it. When it says, "You’ll fail," counter with, "Or maybe I’ll learn something."

• Replace it. Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a friend. Would you ever tell your best mate, "You’re rubbish at everything"? No? Then don’t say it to yourself.

  
  

Your inner critic doesn't get to drive the car - it's just along for the ride

Step 4: Embrace Awkwardness

Newsflash: Confidence is messy. It’s awkward. It’s full of moments where you feel like a complete muppet.

Confidence isn't about avoiding mistakes - it's about laughing when they happen

I once joined a public speaking training course to get over my fear of talking in front of people. On my first day, I tripped over a chair, spilled water on my notes, and forgot half of my speech. Mortifying, right? But no one laughed. Instead, they clapped when I finished. That’s when it hit me: people don’t care if you’re perfect - they care if you try. Most people around you want you to succeed. So, embrace the awkwardness. It’s where the magic happens.

Step 5: Surround Yourself with Positive Energy

You’ve probably heard the saying, "You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with." And honestly? It’s kind of true.

If you’re surrounded by naysayers or people who constantly criticise, it’s going to chip away at your confidence. On the flip side, being around supportive, encouraging people can make all the difference.

Try This:

• Spend more time with people who uplift you.

• Join a group or community that shares your interests.

• Limit time with people who drain your energy (no shame in setting boundaries).

The right people can make you feel unstoppable - choose wisely

Step 6: Redefine Failure

Thomas Edison once said, "I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work." What if we all thought about failure that way?

Failure isn’t the end of the road - it’s a detour. It’s proof you’re trying. And every "failure" brings you closer to figuring out what works. It might just take us a little longer than we thought.

How to Handle It:

• Write down what you learned from a recent mistake.

• Share your failure story with a friend - it makes it less scary.

• Remind yourself: no one remembers your failures as much as you do.

Failure is just part of the process. Keep going.

Step 7: Celebrate Your Wins (Big and Small)

When was the last time you celebrated yourself? Like, properly acknowledged something you did well?

We’re so quick to brush off our achievements, but recognising them is a huge part of building confidence. It’s like telling your brain, "Hey, look at what I can do!"

Ideas for Celebrating:

• Treat yourself to something small, like your favourite snack or a walk in the park.

• Write down your wins in a journal- reading them back will be such a boost.

• Share your success with someone who’ll cheer you on.

Big win or small win - every step forward deserves a celebration

Step 8: Learn to Say "No"

Saying "no" can feel... uncomfortable. Especially if you’re a people-pleaser like me. But confidence often means setting boundaries - and sticking to them.

Here’s the trick: saying "no" doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you honest.

Polite Ways to Say No:

• "I’d love to, but I don’t have the capacity right now."

• "Thanks for asking, but I need to focus on other things."

• "I’m flattered to be asked, but I’ll have to pass this time."

  
  

Every time you say "no" to something that doesn’t serve you, you’re saying "yes" to yourself.

Saying no isn't selfish - it's self care

Final Thoughts

Confidence is about reaching the summit even when the climb feels impossible

Building confidence isn’t about being perfect or fearless. It’s about showing up—awkward, messy, and all.

So, what’s one small step you can take today? Maybe it’s speaking up, trying something new, or simply reminding yourself that you’ve got this. Whatever it is, start now. And remember: confidence isn’t built overnight, but every step you take brings you closer.

What do you think? Drop me a comment below - I’d love to hear your thoughts and what works for you.